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November 13, 2006
Good Tour Bad Tour
Paul and I are volunteer tour guides at Hueco Tanks. Back in the late 90's, restrictions were put into place to protect the delicate natural environment and rich cultural history of Hueco. Part of these restrictions include "guided only" areas of the park, which means the only way one can climb (or hike, birdwatch, etc.) in these areas, is to be taken out by a guide. The volunteer tours are limited to 10 people max and they are free (just need to pay the regular $4 entrance fee to the park). Anyone can sign up....just call the park and reserve yourself a slot.
Paul and I have guided many tours over the past couple of years. And people often ask us, 'how is it...guiding strangers...people we've never climbed with before?' 'Are the tours usually pretty fun?' 'Do you ever get any real demanding a**holes that stomp their feet and throw a tantrum cause they can't drag the entire v0-newbee tour participants to their v12 project for the entire day?' Haha, no, no demanding a**holes....yet. However, Paul and I have guided enough tours that it's easy to distinguish, right off the bat, if today will be a "Good Tour Day" or a "Bad Tour Day". And this last weekend, we had both. Saturday, I guided the Good Tour. And Sunday, Paul guided the...well, not so good tour.
The Good Tour Day vs. The Bad Tour Day:
1. A Good Tour Day is when the tour starts off hiking to the first destination and the tour participants are literally on your heels...psyched to get to the boulders and get climbing ASAP....forget the beautiful scenery, forget the wildlife....we've got boulders to get to and projects to send.....being held back only by the guide in front of them. A Bad Tour Day is when the guide actually needs to STOP AND WAIT for his/her tour to catch up. Not once...not twice....not three times....but the WHOLE STINKIN' DAY. Come on people! What the heck is going on back there? Did some birders accidentally sign up for a bouldering tour? This is like trying to walk a kindergarten class to the cafeteria!
2. A Good Tour Day is once we get to the boulders, the pads open up, the chalk is out, and the shoes are on. Stretching? Bah. Too impatient to stretch. This v0 warm-up will stretch me out just fine. In a matter of minutes the climbers are on the rocks and "sick dude" is being uttered at least every other move. A Bad Tour Day is once we get to the boulders, everyone stops, asks if 'we're here', throws their pads down, and then sits. Just sits. And just kinda stares at the rock. And each other. Maybe this is some sort of pre-climbing meditation-type warm-up?.....just sitting...staring...not really saying a whole lot....just kinda sitting, really.
3. A Good Tour Day is when there is a decent amount of heckling going on. Fart jokes, fat butt jokes, puny forearm jokes, big kahuna jokes, small kahuna jokes, etc. All good fun all day long. A Bad Tour Day is when you think one of your tour participants is playing a funny joke on everyone when he decides to sit down, put his head on his knees and pretend to fall asleep under the crux move of this big roof problem the other 9 participants are trying. Only....he's not joking. He's sleeping. Really.
4. A Good Tour Day is when a tour participant sticks the crux of the climb he/she has been working and the crowd goes wild: In unison, "YEAH!!!" Or when the climber blows off the finishing jug that he/she has been so desperately lunging to grasp for the last hour and the crowd goes even wilder: "NO!" The roar is loud enough to scare away small animals and turn the heads of climbers across the mountain to see who sent what sick line. A Bad Tour Day is when a tour participant sticks the crux move and the crowd says nothing. Falls on the finishing jug and the crowd says nothing. SENDS THE PROBLEM and the crowd says nothing. Now if that's not motivation....
5. A Good Tour Day is when the end of the day comes and we all cheers with a beer, head out for some margaritas and mexican food, invite one another over to chill at our campsites, exchange emails/phone numbers, or at the very least find out when the next tour together is going to be. A Bad Tour Day is when the end of the day comes and you mutter to yourself 'Thank God' (with no worries of anyone hearing you b/c they are all lagging way way waaaaay behind again anyway). You wonder to yourself if everyone was just having a bad day...not enough sleep....maybe didn't drink enough espresso shots that morning? Does it really matter? No. Not really. This is Hueco and it's hard to spoil our day in The Mecca. We don't mind. Just as long as none of them sign up on our tour again. ;-)
Posted by April at November 13, 2006 12:12 AM